The Sounds Of The Sea
by strangegibbon
Summary: Set post suicide mission so possible spoilers abound. Thane attempts to help a grieving Shepard. F!Shepard/Thane, implied F!Shepard/Garrus


_My first attempt at a fanfic, still not entirely sure what possessed me. Rated M for adult themes and content, avoid if either of those presses the Upset button_. _Apologies for any proofreading oversights and constructive criticism gratefully accepted. _

_More than a little bit bleak, you have been warned. FemShep and Thane K., implied FemShep and Garrus V.  
_

Thane Krios sat in his customary position in Life Support, fingers steepled under his chin. The assault on the Collector Base had been both exhilarating and terrifying and from time to time he marvelled at his continued survival but mainly his thoughts strayed to Shepard. After boarding the Normandy she had stopped briefly at the Med Bay before marching straight to her quarters and locking the doors behind her. She had spoken to no-one, not even him, and even as the crew had celebrated wildly he could see the barely concealed grief in the brief moments he had stayed to watch them.

_Vakarian._

In the weeks leading up to their final mission he had allowed himself to think of her, to yearn for her, sometimes observing her quietly and unseen from the shadows on the ship. He had watched, carefully and with growing pain, her relationship with the turian develop into something stronger and deeper than friendship and the spark of hope that she might still choose him as her confidante and protector began to dwindle and fade. Their intimate talks had continued but he could see her mind drifting away from the conversation and knew she was thinking of the _other_.

They had seen Garrus taken by the seeker swarms and he had watched her stand motionless in front of the locked door, head down. The barely acknowledged spark of triumph he had felt at the removal of his rival had been smothered almost immediately as she turned towards the group, her eyes flat. He had waited for Tali to move forward, to offer her friend comfort but, no, Tali was gone as well, picked off as she frantically tried to close a door against a tide of Collectors. After Tali's death Shepard and the turian had moved to stand close, whispering and touching each other gently in shared grief before resting their foreheads together. Now she stood alone. To his surprise it was Jack who had moved forward, hand outstretched to touch her arm. Shepard had simply paused before her, expression closed before brushing past and slamming another thermal clip into her rifle. Watching her go, Jack had extended a biotic field to brush her shoulder so gently Thane was not sure she had even noticed. If she did she gave no sign.

The rest of the battle was brutal and bloody. Shepard was reckless and impatient, her movements jerky, devoid of her usual grace. He had realised that despite her dry eyes she was running on pure grief and unadulterated rage, no longer caring about her personal safety. He and Jack had stayed close to her, watching her back and throwing each other looks of shared concern as she shook off the hands slowing her down, pulling her behind cover. The fierce light of her eyes had changed, become feral and desperate and that had filled him with foreboding. He knew that expression, had glimpsed it in the mirror often enough himself and his throat had tightened with the fear of what she might do, not to them, never them, but to herself. In the end he had sucked in a ragged breath he was not aware he had been holding when she grabbed Jack's hand to be pulled into the Normandy, half expecting her to let go, to fall and to keep falling.

"EDI."

"Yes, Mr. Krios?"

"The whereabouts of Commander Shepard, please."

"Commander Shepard is currently in her quarters. She has remained so for the last three days."

"No-one has visited?"

"Many have visited. She has refused them entry."

He stood abruptly and strode from Life Support, soft black training clothes whispering about his body. Reaching her quarters he noted the red lock light and brushed the doors gently with one finger, considering. Wriggling soundlessly into a maintenance shaft he dropped through a vent into her tiny bathroom and paused in the doorway. EDI made no comment regarding his unauthorised entry and he decided that was as close to concern for the Commander as the AI could display.

Peering into her room he saw the lights were dim. She was sitting on the edge of her bed, hands in her lap, staring into space. A watery blue from her fish tank rippled across her pale cheek. She did not move.

"Siha."

There was no reaction, no start of surprise and he came to kneel in front of her, taking her hands. She was dressed only in a tank top and shorts and her skin was cold. She did not look at him, eyes dull and unfocused and his heart constricted painfully, throat aching. There was no light, no fire in his beloved's eyes. The presence *_Vakarian* _anchoring her to this unfamiliar body and changing universe had been torn away. She had finished the mission, his warrior angel, blazing through the base and igniting it in her wrath, her duty all she had left to hold onto as the waves crashed around her. Now her hands were empty and she was drowning.

_But you have me._

He reached up to touch her cheek gently and watched as her eyes fluttered closed. Moving to sit on the bed he pulled the sheets around her and lay down, trying to warm her with his body.

"Let me be your comfort, Siha. I offer you sanctuary and release." _I offer you myself. _

He watched her profile carefully but she did not respond. Settling more comfortably down onto his side he rested his face on his hand and considered her with eyes half lidded. Basking in her warmth and nearness he began to drift so when, eyes still shut, she rolled and pressed her lips against his without warning he was uncharacteristically taken by surprise. Stiffening, his hands on her shoulders he opened his mouth to speak and felt her lips start to move against his. Suddenly all rational thought was swept away as he felt her hand move between them and grasp his shaft through the thin cotton trousers. Flooded with compassion and sudden need he was already hard and gasped into her mouth, shuddering at the sensation of her hands on his body. Burying his face into her neck he kissed the junction of her neck and shoulder and trailed his hand over her, gently mapping the smooth skin, the hard nipples, moving lower. He felt her shift onto her back, kick off her shorts, rolling him on top of her and positioning him at her entrance. Hesitating only briefly he gave into the demands of his treacherous body, entering her with a sigh, feeling her arch slightly beneath him. Kissing his way back up to her mouth he opened his eyes to watch her and stilled.

Her eyes were still tightly shut and twin lines of wetness coursed down either side of her upturned face. He wondered if she thought of the turian even as _he_ moved inside her.

Shame rushed over him and he cursed his weakness in taking advantage of her vulnerability even as a tiny part of him raged at her for wanting another man here, now, in his place. He dipped his head and started to withdraw.

"I'm sorry. This is not...what I wanted to offer you. You need – "

Strong hands gripped his shoulders, pulled his head back down for a searing kiss, one remaining on the back of his neck and the other moving to splay across his lower back. Very well. She would use this body to find distraction, completion, what she wanted from him was hers to take and his to give. He knew he lay with her shade, a pale facsimile, but his desperate need made his eyes shimmer with gratitude for all he was allowed. He was lost in sensation, floating on currents of pleasure, undercurrents of pain, cold and deep. With a moan of want and helplessness he began to move against her again, the smell of her, the feel of her against his skin burning into him a flawed, perfect memory he would haunt empty rooms re-living endlessly. He held her as she tensed and shuddered silently, following her over the edge quickly after with a hitching gasp. Rolling to her side again he wrapped his arms around her praying fervently to any and all gods listening what he would offer them, offer _her_ if only she would open her eyes and see him. As if she had heard him he saw her eyes flutter and fix on his face and he almost broke down. Her eyes were fathomless, despairing, shifting like the deep ocean and he knew then of the two things he had offered her before she would only accept one.

She stiffened slightly at the soft touch on her temple but reached over and clasped his hand, eyes moving over his face. She nodded, once and he saw in her face gratitude and affection. Leaning forward he pressed a lingering kiss to her lips, a ghost of a whisper into her mouth and felt her hand tighten on his.

"_I love you, my Siha_..."

And he pulled the trigger.

Curling into her side he moved to the whorl of her ear and listened for the sounds of the sea.

*END*


End file.
